The Dilemma

So apparently, according to my blood test a few days ago, I am anemic. On one hand, it explains why I am tired ALL THE TIME. On the other hand.....sometimes, when I SHOULD be doing something but feel "too tired" I find myself trying to use the anemia as an excuse to stay in bed. I DO NOT want to become one of THOSE people. Someone who takes manageable things and tries to use these "disadvantages" as an excuse. I need to just take some iron and move on. I can't let this stop me......
So I am working again & thoroughly enjoying it. I love my co workers & miss having something to do. haha, am I such a nerd that I LIKE work and school? I really have no life!
My last roommate had a life. She would party almost nightly & would often sleep all day, missing her classes. But is that really appealing? I'll enjoy a party here and there but I certainly wouldn't want to every night. For me, part of what makes it fun is the fact that I DON'T do it all the time. Also, I quickly became disgusted by her laziness. At the end of the day, I need to feel like I did SOMETHING productive. It can be something for leisure sometimes such as finishing that book or having fun with friends but at the same time, I like to feel useful too. I can't live off my parent's money forever and having my own money, working on my own college degree, all of that makes me feel like I am in control of my destiny. When I was younger, I somewhat feared the time when I would be on my own. It was accomplishments, like doing well in school, like having a job, like having a savings account and paying for my own rent and food, that let me know that I can handle being on my own. In fact, I rather like it. : )

BACK TO WORK

So today is my first day back to work with my old boss. I'm so excited! Normally, people prefer their days OFF from work but I have been bored for the past 5 days I have been back home from college. I've seen a few friends over the days but it's mostly the same few friends. I lost a lot of my hometown friends after the drama I described in a previous blog (basically, my "BEST friend" was JEALOUS that I got into a good school & she didn't so she is still stuck at home so the best "revenge" was to make up rumors about me at home. (cuz I guess it's my fault that I got better grades than her (eyeroll)) But that drama aside, I am looking forward to seeing my friends at work. Plus, it is something to do since I hate doing nothing. I'm so used to being overwhelmed, that having nothing to do almost stresses me out! lol
but in short, I'm just super exciting to get back to work. I'm a waitress (living the dream! lol) & I'm basically saving up to help pay for rent this August, when I get my own apartment. So first day back in a while. Hopefully I'll do well : )

Hot Bodies & Blood Work

So I realized something today. I love my boobs! (& who wouldn't? I mean! they're like 2 big squishy balls!!!) but this isn't some attention seeking whore ranting about how she has a hot body. Don't get me wrong, I personally, like my looks. Some people don't. and you know what? that's ok.
Girls think that they have to have a 20 inch waist and double D boobs to be attractive. Guys think they need to be ultra muscular, tall, & 2% body fat to be attractive. But attraction is NOT one-size-fits-all. Everyone has good & bad features. I have a nice figure but I break out easily. And also, not everyone agrees on what is attractive. My best friend loves the beefy football player look. I prefer skinny guys. Some guys like curvy girls, some like the sleek & slender look. No one will look attractive to EVERYONE! (Ex: I never thought Orlando Bloom was that attractive) So if you don't fit the stereotype for what society tells you is attractive or some guy/girl you like thinks they're too good for you looks-wise, fuck them! (figuratively, NOT literally under ANY circumstances, unless you want your heart broken) The perfect person for you WILL find you attractive so don't listen to the haters!
So I came up with a challenge for everyone who reads this :find something about you that you like about yourself physically. Try to avoid picking something other than boobs/skinniness/butt if you're a girl and something other than muscles if you're a guy (don't get me wrong, DO LOVE those parts of you & if you've got it, be PROUD of it! but also acknowledge that there's even MORE to love about yourself <3)
I know I talked about boobs in the beginning to get your attention but I chose my calf muscles and my feet. I have small, tiny cute feet that aren't calloused & when I point them, my calf muscle looks good : )
Everyone has SOMETHING like that; that little seemingly insignificant detail that makes them SEXY!!!!! (I like boys that have attached earlobes! Go figure that one!) So be proud! Love your body! heck, post what your favorite part is in the comment section if you want!

So I gotta go to bed soon because I have a doctors appointment early in the morning. but the time isn't the worst part. IT'S THE FASTING!!!!! : (    I'm a diabetic & my numbers are MUCH LESS than desirable (i check 6 times a day & watch what I eat so if anyone know any tips to help get my blood sugar under control, PLEASE let me know)  : / I have to get blood work done multiple times a year. I don't mind that but at least once a year, I get blood work done that requires fasting. I HATE HATE HATE being hungry but I'm not allowed to eat for at least 12 hours. : (  I should probably count myself lucky because some medical procedures require 24 hours of fasting (my mom has had to do that before : (  ) but i'll probably be getting those procedures done one day too so........

but anyway, I'm going to go to sleep so I don't have to think about the hunger. I stuffed myself earlier but  I'm starting to get a little bit hungry already. I feel like I should say SOMETHING else cuz this is sort of a downer after the whole LOVE YOUR BODY thing but I don't really have much else to say. You're beautiful/handsome/sexy/whatever-u-wanna-be & if someone tells you otherwise, remember that they don't matter cuz if YOU love you, then who else matters? :)

The League of Evil

I probably sound like a whiny teenager but I can't sleep. Basically, everyone who has come to hate me in the past 3 years are now friends, even those who at some point didn't like each other. I guess the saying "an enemy of my enemy is my friend" is more true after all. Except, though perhaps this is naive, but I feel that I did nothing to deserve these enemies as most of them are a result of jealousy or an association with my stalker ex boyfriend or both but there are two sides to every story, possibly more, so take that as you will.
I guess I should start with the phone call that woke me up. My ex has insomnia (most of them do cuz I used to be a night owl so it was something in common) & he called me because "he couldn't sleep and needed someone to talk to." I shouldn't have picked up the phone cuz it always ends in tears but I have this stupid naive hope that everyone is good. I mentioned that I've been bored recently so he suggested that I hang out with Nat & Hope.....my FORMER best friends. this brought up a lot of emotions & he didn't understand why I didn't like them anymore. I told him about how basically, when I had BIG secrets, i told one person. ONE PERSON. She told her boyfriend & they told, idk EVERYBODY. Because of my stupidly optimistic outlook on people, I forgave them but stopped telling them secrets. around this point, Hope became friends with this OTHER girl (who she claimed she "hated") who hated me because my boyfriend at the time (who is now the stalker ex) didn't drink because I didn't drink (note, he COULD HAVE drank if he wanted to, I was NOT the one stopping him. he was just trying to impress me though, I later found out that him & his friends got drunk when I wasn't around all the time) but because he only didn't drink around me, she blamed me more being a "buzz kill" & ridiculed me to my face right in front of him. He usually just laughed and at times, joined in (asshole). but since they didn't have any NEW dirt on me, they began to make stuff up. They made up horrible rumors about how they saw me get super drunk at a party & have sex with a random stranger in plain view of everyone. Nat, Hope's bf, was also in on this. Now, I have never been to a party with them, I didn't drink & I've never had sex with a stranger but....... it was my word against three ppl so guess what ppl believe?
Anyway, around this same time, my now-ex confesses to drunk-cheating on me with this OTHER girl who hates me for the same reason of the fact that I "make" him not drink (again, I don't MAKE anyone do or not do anything. I've had bfs who drink & did not ever hassle them about it at all). He tells me this, & i (stupidly) say I forgive him because he was drunk & i understand that maybe he felt weird drinking around me & didn't know his limit. He then confesses that he actually gets drunk with them all the time & was telling me about the cheating because he wanted to see other people. "but we should get back together one day. you'd be perfect for me if I was like, 30." REALLY?
Needless to say, that died UNTIL I got another boyfriend & suddenly, my ex stopped hanging out with the party crowd (making them hate me MORE) & to stalk me (I had gone off to college in a different city at this point but he would drive almost 2 hrs to harass me). He broke up future relationships out of "his love for me" & wants to know why I won't take him back. & then he started trying to date MY friends from high school that he'd met THROUGH ME just so he could call & tell me about it until I cried. (If he dates my friends, I don't like it but I don't go out of my way to say anything. he CALLS ME.)  & he even convinced one of my friends that I was the problem & she is no longer friends with me.   : (  o yeah, & he'd bring her on dates to the restaurant that I was working at for the summer & they both called me a drama queen when I asked that they stop repeatedly coming in on the nights that I worked (2 nights a week mind you).
& now, apparently all of these people who hated me, and many more, are all friends. & now, my currently place of residence just ended and I am stuck in my stupid hometown with all of these people from my high school who hate me. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of friends here too but I feel uncomfortable with not one but TWO stalker exes (but that's another story) & tons of evil girls (& a guy) who literally did everything they could to make my life a living HELL my senior year of high school. & now, this league of evil keeps calling my phone & occasionally showing up at my work (not just the ex but also the group of girls who hated me & liked to make fun of me comes by just so they can be demanding & not leave a tip).
Welcome Home Mindy!

Dreams & the Truth About Prom Queens

So I was walking along the highway with four of my friends when we came across these four little cabins on a bridge. We were very tired so 2 of us decided to stay the night there but the other 2 had a "bad feeling" about the place and turned back. After getting settled, my friend and I went on a walk in the woods. We came back only to find her cabin a mess and her back pack was missing. I helped her search for it but soon grew tired and gave up. I went back to my own cabin only to find a tall, doll-faced woman in there tearing the place apart. She grew angry when she saw me. She told me that these were her cabins and that I must leave before midnight or I would be killed. She also demanded my backpack as payment. I gave it to her and ran to my friend's dorm and begged her to come with me. She refused and eventually I gave up, knowing it was close to midnight and hoping that perhaps the woman was only trying to scare me. Upon exiting the cabin, I looked to my right and saw a hooded figure. I looked at my watch 12:03. It flew at me and I ran, I sprinted until I could not see the cabin anymore. I reached for my phone to call 911 but the phone was swept out of my hand by a hurricane-strength gust of wind and rolled down the ditch into the water. Then........ I woke up. So that was my dream last night but I decided to take Dane Cook's advice and not say it was a dream until the end (though most people could probably figure it out).

My little sister went to prom yesterday. She was gorgeous, had the perfect dress, perfect hair, perfect date and.....the stress was enough to make me wanna shoot myself.....& it wasn't even MY prom. I spent the day, my first day home from college, listening to my mom & sister yell about nothing. I got cussed out for eating the last pack of gummies because she NEEDED it. For some reason, my mom agreed with this assessment. It made me think back to my prom days. I LOVED my proms! I loved them so much & enjoyed myself a lot. I too had to have the perfect dress, hair & date but the day of is so stressful. Between the amount of money spent (in the hundreds if not the thousands of dollars) & the way the media presents "prom" there are such high expectations for prom to be...... "PERFECT." Since perfection is unattainable, it inevitably falls short of expectations and you feel more stressed as you kill yourself to try and meet these perfect expectations, you're exhausted before you even get to prom and forget to enjoy the here and now. i feel like that could be applied to all aspects of life. DON'T worry about making everything perfect and making sure everything goes according to plan cuz it's not gonna happen. Plan ahead but enjoy what is going on in the present. Otherwise you'll look back and have all these memories that were perfectly structured and according to plan but they won't really have the happiness and spontaneity that a true good memory has.